It’s New Year’s Eve, a day when the collective American consciousness is generally mulling over how to make the coming year better than the outgoing one.
In my ethnic community, it is also the sixth day of Kwanzaa where we focus on Kuumba, creativity.
In my religious community, tonight is one for praying. We pray for freedom from this year’s bondages, thank God for his faithfulness, and ask him for guidance.
It’s the last day of the year and, at my house, it is a cleaning day. My mother doesn’t want to take clutter into the new year and I would like to bury my guilt (for being so messy and my fear of permanence) in this old year that we’re preparing to put away.
I’m ending 2016/beginning 2017 reading Emily Ley’s Grace, Not Perfection. It seems to me that giving myself grace and not expecting perfection is the only way I’ll be able to get my room clean or properly pursue the projects God is putting on my heart. My purpose– my calling– is something I’m still trying to figure out, but it clearly has something to do with supporting people. The critical perfectionist in me accrues great stress when faced with the opportunity to interact with other people in a way that could change lives, but the hopeful, faith and destiny-driven part of me lives for these chances. I am not perfect. By personal merit, I am no more worthy than anyone else, but if God calls me, who am I to refuse? He will show himself strong in my weakness, so I will not be afraid of failure. God will not set me up to ruin what he has called me to fix.
So, this is my resolution for the new year: to walk in faith. God made me creative and careful. He gave me talents and interests for his purposes and I will trust that his plan is best. I will choose to consciously believe and continue to recite something that came to me a long time ago, but I seemed to have forgotten: God’s glory is my good. He is my purpose.