in which I will allow myself grace where I’ve historically demanded perfection and berated myself into oblivion when I failed to meet my own standards.
I am, by nature, a perfectionist. I’ve spent a lot of my time bleeding people-pleasing behaviors that I didn’t buy into or enjoy. I’ve said lots of “right” words when I didn’t know what else to say. I no longer want to be this way.
If I don’t know what I want, I’ll be honest.
Maybe part of growing up is realizing that you won’t be sure until you arrive and there’s no turning back. I think this is literally the only way my pride has been good to me– it’s kept me from running away when I’ve taken leaps of faith and realized that everything is different on the other side. I don’t know where I want to work next year. I’m not sure where I will apply to graduate school in the fall (or if it will be this year or 5 years from now).
What I know is this: Faith has taken me far and fear has gotten me nothing but a stress-exhaustion cycle. This year, I choose to give and receive grace, fill my well properly, and live by faith.
I feel better already.