I tell my sister, “It’s about someone at the hospital.”
I know better, but I’m in the moment and rambling about the reasons I’m afraid to be alone because of a bunch of little triggers in this show.
Marriage is not about just having someone to stay with you at the hospital and keep the rest of the family calm. You shouldn’t marry someone because you’re scared to be alone or you don’t know how to say what you need to say. Marriage is not about children.
It’s about love. It’s about how much God loves people and how he wants us to love him. It’s about intimacy and exclusivity. It’s about forgiveness and choice. It’s about mercy and boundaries.
Almost three years ago, I watched a movie called “The Reason I’m Getting Married” and there was a line that really stuck out for me: “Love is about being able to put up with the things I dislike about that man forever. You should marry a man like that.”
I think love is deciding that a person is valuable. They’re so important that the bad things they have done and will do are things that you can move past when they do. Love is about deciding that a person is forgivable before they sin against you and choosing to forgive them for being as bad as you knew they would be. Love is about staying whether it’s difficult or so easy that it’s boring. Love is about letting someone leave without changing the locks.
That’s why I think love is difficult, even though my grandfather says it’s not.
That’s why I don’t expect marriage to always be easy or love to always feel good. Sometimes, love will leave you to bake yourself cookies or eat too much ice cream or wonder how you’ve watched 6 seasons on Netflix. Sometimes, love will let you go crazy and ruin things and stay close to home, waiting for your return; sometimes, love changes because you do. Sometimes, love is like taking care of your nails– you have to start over, dealing first with the damage you did last time.