I feel a bit nervous broaching this subject as it is something I don’t think I’ve talked about on this blog before, but I think it’s important so I’ll proceed anyway.
From our childhood, girls are pushed to think about what sort of man they would like to marry and spend the rest of their lives with. We learn how important it is to be careful about what sorts of men we choose to love because they could be not only our lovers and life-partners, but the (god)fathers of our (god)children, uncles of our nieces/nephews, and decision makers when our lives hang in the balance.
Having been raised in a Christian family and accepted Christ as savior and lord early in life, I was told often enough that it is of the utmost importance that my future husband be a Christian. Beyond that I was given lots of red flags to look out for:
How a man treats his mother is how he’ll treat his wife.
How a man keeps his car gives clues about how he’ll keep his woman (based on the assumption that a single man’s most prized possession is his car).
What a man eats will predict how long he’ll be around.
Babies and animals are great judges of character, if they don’t like your significant other, then you’ve been warned.
My mother also told me not to marry too young or too quickly. Being poorly prepared emotionally has destroyed plenty of loves and marriages.
At various times in my short life, I’ve added things to the list of requirements and deal-breakers, but when it really comes down to it the list of things that really matter is short:
He has to be deeply in love with God.
He has to love me and be willing to fall in love with me over and over again. He has to resist and refuse to fall in love with any and all others romantically.
He has to love his parents and value family.
He has to be able to communicate well.
I have to love, trust, and respect him.
Answering God’s callings on our lives must draw us closer.
When God sends my husband to me, I want to be ready. I don’t expect to ever be perfect, but I want to be fulfilling, in my own life, all of the standards I have set for him. It’s easy to say I want him to do things and be a certain type of person.
Sometimes it’s easy to decide that as a daughter of God I can hold certain expectations of a man; however, when I think about the fact that the man I want is not just someone who will be good to me, but also someone who is a son of God, it changes things. A son of God has the right to have certain expectations of his wife. When he presents me in his prayers to the Father as the woman he wants to marry, I want to be someone that God approves of for the son he loves and treasures. Just as I am a child that Jesus died to take as his own, so is he.
I don’t want to be someone God allows his son to settle for. I want us to be people the Father is pleased to give to one another.